godwhisperer | (no subject)

(no subject)

When: Friday, after the trial
Where: Sonia's room
Who: Gundam and Sonia
Why: Serious discussions

[Gundam is truly exhausted, more than he's felt in years. Making the decision he made was difficult, and then it all fell apart on him, turned out to be wrong. He's no longer angry at anyone else, not really, but he feels foolish and confused. While his anger kept him going through the end of the trial, once Kaoru was revealed, it has all burnt out now and he just wants to hide in his room.

But Sonia did want to talk to him, and he feels obligated to allow her to do so. After all, while he's not entirely pleased with what she did, she did what she did to save him and she was successful. He owes her that much.

So once he leaves the drawing room, he will go to her room and wait for whenever she returns.]

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[ She arrives soon after; she glances up at him briefly before turning to the door. Her eyes are in one hand and a folded piece of paper is clutched in the other. Once she gets the door open, she shows him in, then shuts and locks it. She opens a drawer in her desk and places the paper in there, pausing before it before turning back to him.

A moment passes, then another.

Then, finally: ]

I always knew it was Kaoru.

[Of all the things he expected her to say, that definitely wasn't one of them. He actually looks surprised.]

Ah!

I wanted to tell you during the trial. I wanted, very badly, to be able to tell you. But I could not say anything without affecting your behavior. It is always... difficult enough, to conceal my knowledge...

...

[Well, that's ominous.]

But you reveal your knowledge now? Is such a thing wise?

No. [ She smiles, then- it's uneasy. There's something distant about it. ] It is impolite of me, but by telling you this, I force my life into your hands. Please- you cannot share this information with any of the others. You are the only one I am telling this to.

[He nods, not having to think about it.

It's tempting to him to make a comment about how, if she is the Mastermind, he will defeat her, but he doesn't want to. In a way, he's been using the hunt for the Mastermind as a game, a worthy rival and a distraction. Before this week, he would have gladly accused her as a sign of respect.

But this week has been so exhausting, the first week to truly have an impact on him, and right now the Mastermind is less an intriguing fiction and more a very real, very malevolent force, and not of the worthy rival kind. He doesn't believe it's her.]

There was no need to tell me at all...it would have been wrong of me to remain angry when it was I who was mistaken.

I just... wanted you to know. [ Her gaze shifts away. ] I do not wish to deny you your right to autonomy... Your right to die. But I had the ability to stop it... and selfishly, I chose to use it. I cannot say that I have any regrets about you and May still being alive.

[ Regrets about Kaoru being dead, though... Well, that's not for this conversation. ]

Ah...

[He looks a little uncomfortable.]

I owe you a debt, it seems...though it was never my intention to simply throw my life away. It was never...it was never my desire to give up, or to attempt to prove anything. I am simply...

[ She waits, then says: ]

I understand.

It is as I said... You have a future... [ ... ] And, you know, I am quite sure that you shall live to see it.

Hahaha. I do not have any intention of being defeated here.

[He is smiling, but it's a little less smug than usual, and at the end he sighs.]

I have been evil for a very long time. It's difficult to adapt my thinking.

[ A lot can be said for Sonia's disposition based solely on the fact that she does not laugh at the phrase 'I have been evil for a very long time'. ]

...

There is a person that needs to be defeated, though. It is... That is, what the others think... It's true.

Hrrgh.

I know this. It is so obvious, it is not necessary to explain. It was clear the moment Spain refused to retire...there is one controlling his puppet strings, and that one controls others as well. That is the true enemy, I would not forget.

[He's not being harsh because he's truly insulted, but he can tell by the way she's dancing around her words that she knows she shouldn't be talking. He wants her to understand she doesn't have to say anything further.]

[ She picks up on this, and seems to relax a little, gratefully. ]

...I can tell you that it is not me. And... I am going to do my best to undermine their actions. [ She seems to consider something for a moment, and in that second that fearful look comes back to her, the one she wore so often during the trial. ]

That is all. I just wanted to let you know.

I see.

[That's a little worrisome, but there's not any way he can interfere.]

I am sure you will, but your assurance isn't necessary...I would not be content to merely rely on you.

No, of course not- ganbatte. [ Her smile is unusually bright. ]

...

Is everything all right, then? For... us?

Y...yes.

Of course, you merely interfered due to your knowledge of Kaoru Nagumo's misdeeds. Had I myself known...

[ Well, that's not the only reason she interfered- even if she hadn't known about Kaoru, she knows she would have tried to stop him, no matter what. But she nods. ]

...It would not have been natural.

[ She looks down, feeling guilty, somehow. ]

I'm sorry...for my rash actions.

[He's not really sure what's upsetting her, so he just has a vague feeling he's done something wrong.]

You shouldn't be.

[ She takes a step forward, almost hesitantly, then puts her arms around him, hiding her face in his scarf; she is shaking slightly. ]

[He's surprised, but wraps his arms around her and holds her, a little distraught. He doesn't know how to deal with comforting someone, but more upsettingly he really wants to.]

Ah...

I was... so afraid... If they did not manage to find Kaoru, and you... you had to... I was just so scared.

[ Her voice is high, and small, and it's got a strange edge of fear in it, of despair and permeating loneliness. ]

I know. It isn't that I did not consider your feelings...

[He did feel bad for her, though it's hard for him to admit that, it feels a little vulnerable since it opens him to rejection.]

But in the end, there was no danger. They...none of them were willing to consider my bluff.

You... are wrong. If only May had been at fault... Even Susan said, she was willing to put through a vote for you.

[ And that's the thing: it would have made sense. It would have fulfilled his wish, and it would have saved May, and it would have definitely happened if nobody had caught onto the cup. ]

...

I don't want to talk about it any more. [ It's too depressing to reiterate in her head over and over. ]

All right.

[He's sort of caught on that. It bothers him a lot that no one believed him. But he at least knows better than to harp on it now.]

What's done is done.

[ After a moment she pulls him down to sit on the bed with her. ]

Will you stay with me here for just a little bit?

[He allows himself to be pulled and goes to sit on the bed.]

Yes. I can...I can do that.

[ She presses her cheek against his shoulder, leaning on him. ]

It would be nice if we could sleep together.

[Doesn't take this any way except face value.]

There is no reason why not. I defy them to tell me where I may and may not retire.

[ Good because she is imagining something cute like the way hamsters pile up together- she gives a little smile at his words. ]

I suppose if we manage to rouse ourselves before midnight...

[ She reaches up and pulls the ribbon out of her hair to free it, then kicks off her shoes in a profoundly unladylike manner. ]

[These boots aren't coming off, but he'll make himself at home on her bed boots and all. He doesn't even sleep in a bed, he sleeps in his stupid chair in the middle of a room.]

There's no risk I'll fall asleep if I don't want to.

[Though he is very exhausted, it's more of an emotional exhaustion than a physical one.]

[ He sure is committed to that chair and to wearing goth boots 24/7. So ideal. This won't stop Sonia from trying to get him to relax a little, though- she'll take advantage of the fact that he's on his back and lean over him to gently pull his scarf free. She hopes Sun-D is not in the general vicinity of his torso because she's half on top of him, draped against him and looking intently at him.

Her hand catches his- the one not covered in bandages- and she holds it against her cheek. ]

Can I tell you something?

[He swallows a little, his eyes glancing away. Somehow that gesture feels more intimate than others he's allowed, but he doesn't resist or pull his hand away.]

Speak your mind.

I am... thankful to be here, because it has allowed me to meet you. I have never had... true friends, and, really, I have never even looked forward that much to my own future...

[ Her gaze seems somewhere distant, before it clears; she locks her fingers with his. ]

But you have given me what I did not have before. And so... thank you... from the bottom of my heart.

...

[He goes quiet as she speaks, contemplative. Because she has to know his situation is no different. But he didn't really imagine that all the time he was hoping to have someone in his life, he could be that person for someone else.]

I...I have been alone a long time as well. You see, I swore off mankind and became evil, rejecting all of my ties with humanity. [It turns out when he says he is evil, that's literally all he means.] But even though it is difficult and I'm not very practiced at this, I am glad to no longer be evil.

I...you did refuse to allow that, and I am happy for that. So it is not a matter which requires thanks.

[ It's true that it does take one to know one; even if their reasons and upbringings were wildly different, their situations were similar, and Sonia doesn't need to pry very deeply to know that. Maybe it was the fact that he wore his loneliness on the outside, covering it up with theatrics, that drew her in the first place. ]

...That is right. I cannot allow you to be alone any more.

It shall be a... a v...vow between you and I.

[ It's strange then; she looks almost a little sad. It's bittersweet. It takes her a moment to realize her eyes are stinging. Not wanting to explain why and wanting to forget the reason they are misting over, she leans forward and kisses him. ]

[He doesn't miss the hesitation in her tone, and he's not stupid, either. He understands she's planning to risk her life this week, either through a confrontation with the Mastermind or a plot. But he would be a hypocrite if he tried to stop her, so he won't comment on it.

But it is a little painful, to hear her make that vow she will be unable to keep. Instead of responding, he kisses her back.]

[ She is going to make a lot of decisions this week she is not going to expect his forgiveness for. But she hopes- she can only hope blindly, desperately- that he could perhaps keep such a vow not for her, but for himself. It is her greatest hope that he should live in the light, not the darkness. If such a thing could happen, then she doesn't need his forgiveness; she may not even deserve it.

But right now, there is no plan to conceive or murder to commit, and she wants the moment to last. Even when she pulls back she doesn't pull away entirely; after breaking off the kiss she rests her head against his chest, just listening to his heartbeat, and trying not to think about the oncoming week. ]

[He couldn't fall asleep if he wanted to, but he'll lie still and quiet for now. It's not that he's angry. He understands why she's doing it, and he can live through it. But it all feels a little unfair, to become attached to someone only to lose them.]

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